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Covid-19 Pandemic Diaries – Not A Hero

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On June 17, 2020
Covid-19 Pandemic Diaries - Not A Hero

Three weeks have passed since the first case of COVID-19 was reported in the city where I live and after a storm of panic, confusion and change, I’m too tired to stress out anymore.

A heavy sensation fills my reality as I’ve resigned to the new situation.

My partner and I stay at home most of the time. We leave the house once a day to walk or go food shopping.

I stay away as much as I can from Facebook where frustrations abound.

I’m too tired to criticize the government, get angry at the virus or be afraid of what the future could bring.

It’s hard to motivate myself to do anything. I’ve left my to-do list somewhere where I can’t see it. I want to be still and let the wave of sadness pass me by.

I feel for all the families that lost their elderly and can’t mourn them together because of all the restrictions.

I feel for pregnant women, those who are about to give birth, are nervous about going to the hospital and can’t have their partners there to support them.

I’m grateful for all the people who take risks by working in hospitals, supermarkets, post offices and so on, people who keep the world going. They are heroes.

I feel for all the businesses who lost their clients overnight and are struggling to survive.

I’m not a hero. I’m hiding at home from all the madness, keeping myself as safe as I can.

As the world is changing in ways difficult to grasp, my focus keeps going inside, to the life that’s growing and that I can now feel kicking. From statistics & predictions, it sounds like things are going to get worse before they get better.

Instead of just hoping we will not get the virus, my partner and I spoke about what we need to do in case we get it.

We stocked up on paracetamol – that’s about the only medicine recommended as safe to take during pregnancy. We’ll manage with food for two weeks and we rely on close ones to bring us fresh produce. We hope things will calm down long before our due date in August.

I sleep more than usual. I find comfort in music, journaling, sun and gentle movement. My work rhythm slowed down.

I have bursts of being productive before I sink back into my bubble and let everything pass.

 

Manuela Boghian

Manuela Boghian

Date: 25/03/2020

Country: Sweden