What we can gain from the pain of not seeing other people.
We know that many women and new mums find it really tough not seeing their parents and friends during pregnancy. Having your baby arrive without the physical support from people is also a scary prospect.
Here is a way of looking at this from a more positive angle, by Alison, one of our Clinical Consultants:
The joy and concerns about pregnancy are something many expectant women want to share
with those close to them.
Pregnancy is an extraordinary stage of life.
and not being able to be in the physical presence of our loved ones can bring emotional pain. Being unable to see friends, family, colleagues and ‘classmates’ can cause immediate difficulties as we have to change our pastimes and routines and do things differently to how we had planned them.
The uncertainty of what’s happening and when we’ll be able to see people again, particularly when we had been counting on their support, can create anxieties about the future.
The emotional pain, the present difficulties, the future anxieties can all bring up a myriad of feelings. And when it comes to the pain of not seeing other people these feelings ultimately culminate in a sense of loss.
We may try to avoid this feeling but it’s OK to feel this. And it’s OK to grieve for what we have lost.
What’s important is that we are kind and compassionate to ourselves.
This can mean many things and when it comes to a sense of loss, it means acknowledging what we are feeling and comforting ourselves with the knowledge that it’s OK to feel sad for what we have lost. We can acknowledge and respect those feelings and even take some time out to mourn for what is gone.
What’s important is that we are kind and compassionate to ourselves.
This can mean many things and when it comes to a sense of loss, it means acknowledging what we are feeling and comforting ourselves with the knowledge that it’s OK to feel sad for what we have lost. We can acknowledge and respect those feelings and even take some time out to mourn for what is gone.
When we pause to notice and give compassionate acknowledgement to what we are feeling, this very acknowledgement facilitates the process of healing.
This, in turn, gives us space to begin to focus on what we can appreciate in the present. Just as some find comfort in their partner’s hugs, the words of encouragement from loved ones online, and the reassuring movements of their growing baby, we can turn our attention to the things we have in the present moment. Things that – when we pay full attention to them – bring us feelings of comfort, connection, peace, happiness, joy and contentment.
And even in challenging situations, where something is lost, there is usually something positive to be found – a silver lining. And we all have this marvellous resource of curiosity that we can engage to look for those silver linings.
So let’s engage our curiosity and look around us for the treasures of the present moment.
It becomes easier to live with the uncertainty of when we’ll see other people again if we focus on the present and what we can enjoy or appreciate right now. After all, the future is always unknown and the present is always with us. What could we turn our attention to right now that makes us feel grateful for the present moment?
And with the sorrow of parting, comes the joy of reuniting. When we do see other people again, we’ll know how to be present and really value those interactions.
Reading this over, I wonder if it reminds anyone else of those wise words from Joni Mitchell?
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
‘Till it’s gone
It just makes me think that one silver lining from this period of uncertainty could be regaining our appreciation for the here and now. What a wonderful gift to pass on to our kids.
If you would like to read one expectant mother’s experience of being isolated from her family and friends, here is Manuela’s story
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